Not only is it the dirtiest thing you wear, it’s quite possibly the dirtiest thing you own and it’s fucking disgusting. What is it, you ask? It’s your belt, your dirty disgusting belt. Why is your belt so disgusting? Because it’s something that you don’t launder. Not only do I not launder mine, but I’ve never given it much thought, do I wipe it down with baby wipes or maybe get it dry cleaned? Who knows.

This has been a conversation starter of mine for a while now and no one has come up with anything more disgusting than their belt and here’s why. As mentioned, you never clean your belt. Even your favorite pair of jeans gets washed a couple of times a year. Your belt goes everywhere with you, event to the bathroom. What do you do in the bathroom? Everyone does it, everyone poops. After that, most people tend to wipe afterwards and then, wait for it… YOU PULL UP YOUR PANTS AND BUCKLE YOUR BELT. You then proceed to either leave the bathroom like a scum bag or wash your hands. Now your hands are clean but your belt, you touched it before your washed your hands. Your pants will make it to the wash eventually, but not your belt.

I know what you’re thinking, “But I didn’t get shit on my hands”. You’re probably right but the fact remains that a little piece of plant-based two-ply does not provide a hermetic seal. Not just that, we’re going to get real for a second, “finger breakthrough” is a real thing. Toilet paper manufacturers test for finger breakthrough resistance on their products and at the end of the day, not all toilet paper is equal. Long story short, “shit happens” and it is probably happening on your belt even if in trace amounts.

So yeah, unless you fall into the (what I assume to be) miniscule category of people that polish and cleans their belts, you probably own a dirty disgusting belt or two, just like me. Blow up the comments if you own something worse!